Life without You
The morning light entered Lance’s room and woke him up from his slumber. Lance slowly opened his eyes and looked at the digital clock beside his bed. The clock said its 8:45 in the morning. He had only slept for four hours. Last night was his darkest night. The night when he killed a heart and his own died as well.
Lance stood up and went into the bathroom. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. Lance’s eyes – once dark but full of life – was now like the eyes of the dead; lifeless, emotionless and there was no soul in it.
He took a deep breath and went out of his room. But when he opened the door, he saw Janine and the others pulling trolleys and had their backpacks with them.
“Hey,” Lance called them. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m sorry Lance,” Ivan was the one who answered. “We thought we could change him, but we realized that were just wasting our time. Changing him was like changing water to be fire – very impossible.”
When Ivan said him, Lance knew it was his father.
“We want to stay for you,” Bianca said. “But we can’t. The witch has the king now, and the pawns had lost the fight.”
“I understand,” Lance said. “Thank you. My life will be so much harder without you but… I know I can stand on my own feet now.”
“Let me tell you this,” Ivan said. “You don’t have to do anything for this family, you owe them nothing.”
Lance just smiled and said, “I’ll remember that.”
“Lance,” Robi tapped his shoulder and said, “A love that you didn’t fight for can hunt you for the rest of your life.”
Those words sunk deep in Lance’s heart and mind, his heart pounded, but with each beat he can feel pain.
Tears tried to form in Lance’s eyes and he felt something that was stuck in his throat, but he managed not to cry.
Lance helped Bianca and Janine by taking some of their bags and put it in the compartment of Ivan’s car.
“Call us if you need help,” Nel said. “You know well be there.”
As they drove away, Lance started to feel the loneliness. This is the time when he needed them most, the time when he needed someone to help him. But the people who really love him had other priorities of course, and he had to do this on his own.
He went back inside the house and noticed that everyone was still sleeping. He went back inside his room and turned on the computer. The first thing that appeared in his desktop made his heart ache and the memories burst in his head. It was their picture, him and Nicole. He quickly changed it and opened an internet browser. He changed his status at all the social networking site from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ and deleted all the photos.
He went inside the bathroom and took a bath. He wore his black jeans and brown shirt that made his skin whiter. By the time he reached the living room, he saw Charles, Greg and Sandra having their breakfast. Did I surf the internet too long or did I just enjoyed my bath for hours?
“Lance! Come and join us,” Sandra said cheerfully.
Lance looked at Greg, his serious, not even a hint of happiness in his face. Charles in the other hand was different. His face was full of joy, very different from that night when he got angry and had tantrums.
“No thanks,” Lance just said and took his car keys from his pocket.
“Can you wake your cousins for a while?” Greg asked him.
“They already left this morning,” Lance said.
“Oh that’s fine,” Sandra said. “After all, they already stayed too long in this house and they should have left before.”
Lance just walked outside and left. He drove towards the town faster than usual while cursing Sandra.
* * *
“Can I see you today?” Charles said.
“I don’t think that was a good idea,” Nicole answered him. Part of her says that Charles is one of the reasons why Lance broke up with her. They knew that Charles had feelings for her.
“Please?” Charles begged.
Nicole took a deep breath and smiled. Step 1, check! The plan is working well. “Okay then.”
“Thank you! I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes,” Charles said and hang-up the phone.
Nicole sat in her desk and smiled at herself. She planned to take Charles as a bridge for him and Lance. Well, not exactly. She’s well aware that Charles is in love with her. And now that Nicole is single again, then he would take the opportunity. Of course Charles will court her and she’ll say yes. That is enough to make Lance jealous and finally say that he loves her… and eventually the real reason why he broke up with her. But Charles took his opportunity too early.
Anyway, life without Robert was lonely, and life without Lance was terrifying. But Nicole was strong enough to handle this, when love is real, it finds a way.
* * *
Lance sat at the window of the first room near the gates of Bayambang National High School. His head was empty and he had his eyes closed listening to the music that is playing at the house at the nearby street. But when he heard the lines ‘ill just dream of you tonight and if into my dream you come and touch me once again ill just keep on dreaming till my heartaches end.’
Lance smiled at himself. He smiled to hide the pain he felt inside.
“Lance,” someone called. Lance turned to look and saw Nova and Cheska.
“Hello,” Lance said.
“What happened?” Cheska asked with a confronting tone.
“I can’t… I can’t fight for her,” Lance said. “I didn’t fight for her and all I can do to ease her pain is to make her feel angry with me.”
“Why Lance? Do you know that the hardest and most painful thing for us girls to face is the fact that our man didn’t even fight for us?” Nova was now angry.
“I know,” Lance said with tears in his eyes. “I can’t fight for her.”
“Why Lance?!” Nova was now angrier. “Tell us why?!”
“It’s because the family who gave me a life had asked me, too!” Lance shouted. “I can’t say no! I love that family as much as I love her!”
“You love them? Or owe them?” Cheska asked. “There’s a big difference between those two. Your gratitude has won over your heart, choosing matter over love.”
“That was a very shallow reason, Lance!” Nova said. “If you said no, what can they do huh? Take everything back? No, Lance. The decision is yours. We can’t rely on destiny or Lord’s plan alone. God gave us brain to do what our heart says.”
“But God gave us heart so that our brain will have some conscience,” Lance said. “Charles has a disorder you know? He hurts himself of he doesn’t get the thing that he wants. That’s the reason why I gave up Cardinal’s Academy for him, and now, Nicole.”
Nova was frozen. They didn’t know about this.
“He might do something terrible if I didn’t. I have chosen a lifetime of regret over a lifetime of conscience.”
Finally, Nova understood Lance. This is not just because of gratitude, but it’s also because of fear, fear that because of his decisions, someone might kill himself.
“Life without her is the most horrible life I could ever have,” Lance said while Nova hugged his friend and comforted him.
* * *
That afternoon, Lance took his friends to their farm. They stayed at Alicia and Bernardo’s house.
“This farm is so dreamy!” Nova said. “I can’t believe that a place like this really exists! It was the perfect picture of paradise!”
“You’d love it more at daybreak,” Bernardo said.
“I’d love to see it,” Nova said. “I know! Can we sleep here tomorrow?”
“Of course,” Alicia said while serving her homemade cookies. “I wouldn’t want it any other way!”
“But Nova you’re going to Manila tomorrow, the school year will start a week from now. Anyway, I have work.”
“Are you going to study at CA now Lance?” Nova asked.
“No,” Lance said. “I think I’m going to take Medicine here.”
“I thought…”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
* * *
“Mom, Dad,” Lance heard Charles said from the living room. “This is my girlfriend, Nicole.”
Just hearing it, it tore his heart into pieces and forgot how to breathe.
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