"There comes a certain point in life when you have to stop blaming other people for how you feel or the misfortunes in your life. You can't go through life obsessing about what might have been." - Hugh Jackman

Saturday, January 15, 2011

My First Glass of Wine

My first glass of wine. Meng Er Te Red Wine. Why does it taste like medicine to me?

I tried to drink it, two gulps, then four... but I can't finish it because of it's bitter taste. Now, I don't know why I feel so drowsy... I'm not drunk, ok.

I will never drink that wine again, I hate the taste, I still need to study my lessons and it made me sleepy. My gosh!

I Cried Because of A Girl for the First Time

I cried... because of you. I love you more than anything.

I cried because I know, no matter how much I love you, and no matter how time makes it’s own way to keep us both together, you’ll never love me the way I love you. I know that I’m just a friend to you, and I’m thankful for that.

Every time you shed tears for him, my heart was aching for the fact that I can't do anything to ease the pain... that somehow, you're so near yet still so untouchable. I love you, I love you so much it hurt... it hurts to see you loving someone else.

There are times I can't help but to think about you... your beautiful face, your smile, what are you thinking and... Can you love me? I decided to tell you about this... about my feelings, my hidden desire to let you know how I feel about you since that sunny day of 2002, the year of our childhood... but then something happened and stopped me about my plan, my plan to tell you the truth. Maybe... maybe it's because it's not yet the right time.

I will keep my promise, promise to wait for that time to come... for I know in the end, well be together. I swear that I will love you until my heart stops beating. Even if I die, I will guard your life and keep you away from harm, I will make sure you're always safe. I will make sure you'll never feel alone, you'll always have me beside you. I will always be here, loving you secretly... I promise... that I will always think of you, I will always dream of you my First Love

Friday, January 14, 2011

I will wait for that time to come

First time, umuwi ako ng kasama siya.

This afternoon was something that I will not forget. This is the first time that I went home with her — alone!
Ang saya ko... "I'm obsessed with the fact that I'm with you," pa-ulit-ulit lang yan sa utak ko habang kasama ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero talagang masaya akong magkasama kami. 


Sabi ng kaibigan ko, ito daw yung time na kailangan kong igrab. Single na siya, single pa ako, mahal ko siya, ito na daw iyon. Pero ayoko parin... masakit pa rin ang sugat niya, at hindi ko pwedeng hawakan. She's like a glass figurine that I don't want to break, she's like a fire that I cannot touch. My boundaries still stops me from touching her... from putting my arms around her shoulders and comfort her... I want, but I can't.


I can wait, I will wait for the right time, for the time that destiny is the one... the one that will tell me it's time for us to try to be together. Just as when I thought na handa na ako to confess my love for her, dun pa siya nagkaproblema ng ganito, the time that her heart was broken. Maybe it's a way for me to realize "it's not yet time, not yet for me, for us." I promise I will wait, I can wait. I can't promise that I won't love another girl in my journey, but I promise that you'll always be here, in my heart, in the most precious place. I Love You, my puppy love, my first Love. I Love You, and I will love you more.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Untitled....♥

Akala ko nagkabalikan sila... hindi na pala.

May closure na ang relasyon nila, pero hindi naman malinaw if break-ip nga ba or cool off lang. Magulo, sa mga kwento niya, parang puzzle ko itong inayos sa utak ko, pero kulang parin para maintindihan ko. May itinatago siya sa akin.

First time ko siyang makitang ganun nasaktan. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ako makakatulong, hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, gusto ko siyang akbayan! Pero I have my boundaries, friend niya ako pero lalaki pa rin ako, para siyang apoy na hindi ko pwedeng hawakan. Gustong gusto ko siyang yakapin, gusto ko talagang tulungan siyang ibasan ang sakit, gusto kong kunin lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman niya para makangiti siya ulit, ngiti na walang halong lungkot sa mga mata niya.

Hihintayin kong maghilom ng tuluyan ang sugat, hihintayin kong lumakas siyang muli para harapin ang bukas, hihintayin kong handa na siya para ngumiti muli nang walang halong lungkot, hihintayin ko siya hanggang sa dulo, hanggang buhay ako.

Andito ako para suportahan siya, para alalayan siya. Ito ang mga panahong mahina siya, mga panahong mahina siya. Para itong gera, pareho kaming sundalo, injured siya, kailangan ko siyang icover para mabuhay. Hindi ako ang perpektong tao para ibigay sa kanya ang mga balikat ko, hindi ako ang perpektong tayo para makinig sa mga hinaing niya, hindi ako ang tao para bigyan siya ng advice, pero ako ang magiging lakas niya. Ibibigay ko ang lakas ko para maharap niya ang bawat bukas, pupunasan ko ang mga luha niya, gagamutin ang bawat sugat para maibsan ang sakit, at alam kong hindi mawawala ang pilat na dulot nito... pero nandito ako para pahiran yun ng Cebo de Macho!♥

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Stars

Gabi-gabi, pag lumalabas ako ng bahay, tumitingala ako. Gustong gusto kong tignan ang langit sa gabi, ganun din sa umaga... gusto kong titigan ang mga ulap sa umaga, parang mga bulak, parang ang sarap nilang hawakan, parang ang sarap nilang higaan.

Pero sa edad kong kinse, hindi ko parin maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko sa gabi tuwing nakikita kong puno ng bituin ang langit. Masarap silang pagmasdan, kausapin, at sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng falling star, humuhiling ako, "sana mahalin niya rin ako" o kaya "sana magkalakas na ako ng loob na sabihin sa kanya ang totoong nararamdaman ko." Nakakamangha talaga ang ganda ng langit sa gabi, lalo na kung bilog ang buwan at puno ng bituin ang langit. Stars are always there, up in the sky, listening to whatever story I say.

I tried to take a picture of the stars, but I failed. Itim lang ang nasa camera. I wasn't able to capture it's beauty. Sayang naman, I need a different cam para makapture lang ang beauty nito. Humiram ako ng camera, nakuhanan ko rin sa wakas, pero, nalungkot ako, nakuha ko nga ang ganda ng langit, pero hindi ko nakuha ang spiritu nito. Walang effect na tulad ng actual na pagtingin ko dito.

Pero kanina, lumabas ako ng bahay. Masama ang loob ko, gusto kong makakit ng mga bituin. Nadisappoint lang ako, kasi maulap ngayong gabi. Wala ang mga bituin para makinig sa mga sama ko ng loob, para makinig at pagaanin ang sama ko ng loob. Malungkot, oo, pero ayos lang, alam ko namang bukas, mas maganda makikita ko sa kalangitan.

Chapter 5 - Heart Over Matter 2


Accident



“Are you free tonight?” Lance asked Nicole.
“You’re asking me for a date?” Nicole asked Lance. She can’t keep her grin out of her face.
“Yeah, sort of,” Lance said. He scratched his head and blushed a bit.
“Pick me up tonight by 8,” Nicole said cheerfully.
“Okay, eight, I’ll see you later then. I’ll pick you in your house,”
“No, I’ll just see you in the park tonight; there will be a little party in the house, courtesy by my father. The house will be filled with old people. If my Dad sees you, he won’t let us leave until he introduces you to all of his friends,”
“What’s wrong with that?” Lance asked in curiosity.
“He’ll introduce you to them one by one,”
“Oh, okay. I’m convinced. I’ll see you later then,” Lance gave Nicole a goodbye kiss in her forehead and then he left.
“I think… It’s time for us to go to a boutique to buy some dress for you,” Cheska said.
“Yeah, it will be fun. We haven’t bond together since the two of you came back,” Nova said.
“Okay, let’s go!” Nicole said enthusiastically.
Cheska called her sister Aimee to accompany them to the mall or to any boutique in the city. Aimee drove them to the nearest boutique — Kristine Boutique. There were only few people inside the boutique, Nicole then noticed a little girl sitting on the sofa while holding her doll. The girl was not looking at anyone, or anything.
Nicole approached the little girl. She sat beside her and said, “Hello,”
“Hi,” the girl greeted back. She didn’t bother glancing at Nicole. “Who are you?”
“I’m Nicole,” Nicole said. “May I ask who you are?”
“I’m Sandy,” the girl said. “And I’m four years old.”
Nicole smiled at the poor little girl. She’s pretty, but Nicole noticed that she’s not looking at anyone, and her eyes… the girl was blind. “Where’s your mom?”
“She’s somewhere inside this shop. We own this you know,” Sandy said.
“Sandy,” a lady said behind her. The lady was tall, beautiful and about Nicole’s age. “Are you bothering our costumer here?”
“No,” Nicole said. “Actually, I’m the one who bothered this little girl here. Are you the mother of this girl?”
“Yes,” the lady answered. She gave her hand to Nicole. “I’m Kristine Vallejo.”
Nicole took her hand and shook it. “Vallejo…” she whispered.
“Why? Do you know someone by the name of Vallejo?” Kristine asked.
“Yeah,” Nicole said. “An old friend… Charles.”
Kristine smiled. “Charles, he’s my husband.”
“Really? What a coincidence,” Nicole said. Kristine sat beside her and Sandy in the sofa. “It’s been a long time since the last time I saw Charles.”
“I never saw you since I met Charles, how come?”
“It’s a long story,” Nicole said. “But it’s all a history now.”
“I’m sure he wants to see you, but I regret that he’s on a conference in Japan. He’s working hard to save their family industry.”
“Yeah, I heard what’s happening in their business. He must be struggling with all of these things.”
“So, why are you here in my boutique? Are you going to buy something?”
“Well, I’m looking for a dress…” Nicole said shyly.
“A dress for a date?” Kristine asked.
“Yes,”
“Then I’m just the girl to help you find the perfect dress,” Kristine said.
Nicole and Kristine joined Cheska, Nova and Aimee and looked for a dress. Cheska and Aimee looked for shoes and Nova looked for accessory. Kristine finally found a dress for Nicole.
“This is perfect,” Kristine said.
“Beautiful,” Aimee agreed.
“Fantastic,” Nova said.
“But how am I supposed to wear that? That was too sexy,” Nicole said.
Again, they searched for a new dress and forgot the time. The girls bond together, and finally, they found the dress.
“Can I ask you something?” Kristine asked.
“Yeah, sure,” Nicole said.
“How… how did you meet Charles?”
It took Nicole a moment, how can I tell her that I’m Charles’ ex-girlfriend because I used him to make Lance jealous. “I’m her brother’s girlfriend.”
“Oh, Lance. His Dad always talks about him,”
“How is he? How’s Uncle Greg?” Nicole asked.
“He’s paralyzed; he met an accident which caused his coma. When he woke up, he’s paralyzed,” Kristine said.


*     *     *


Lance drove towards the park. It’s already 6:45. Nicole is waiting for him at the park. Lance planned a simple date; he’s taking her out just like every guy would do. Lance still wears the heirloom of the Vallejo family, and Nicole still wears the pair. But tonight, Lance plans to replace it with another ring. He has a silver ring doted with small diamonds in his pocket. It caused a fortune, but if it’s for Nicole, Lance didn’t give a second thought and bought the ring.
The road was wet because of the rain that afternoon. The road was slippery and it was dangerous to drive fast, but Lance still drove his car a little bit faster. When Lance reached a crossroad, a blinding light struck him and he closed his eyes.
A truck hit his car.  Lance tried to control his car but he failed, the truck hit his car hard enough that it sent his car flying. The car hit the ground upside down, and Lance lost consciousness.
The driver of the truck went to see if Lance’s okay; his granddaughter came after him.
“How is he?” the daughter asked.
“I don’t know, but I think we should take him to the hospital,” the driver said.


*     *     *


Nicole sat in one of the benches at the park. It’s already 8:15 but Lance’s still not there. Did he forget? Nicole thought. She took her phone and called Lance, but Lance’s phone didn’t ring. His phone was turned off. She then decided to call Lance’s condo.
“Hello,” Lance answered.
“Where are you?” Nicole asked angrily.
“Sorry but no one’s home. Please leave you’re message after the beep,” Lance said. It was just an answering machine.
Maybe he’s on his way here, Nicole thought. She waited and looked up into the sky. The sky was filled with stars, and you won’t think that it has rained that afternoon. She reached to her neck and felt the star pendant which Lance gave her. Suddenly, her phone rang. Mark’s calling.
“Hello?” Nicole answered it.
“Nicole? Where are you? Come here at the hospital quickly,” Mark said, in a panicking voice.
“Why? What happened?” Nicole asked.
“Lance! Lance’s dead!” Mark said.


*     *     *


Nicole rushed into the hospital with tears in her eyes. Lance… Lance is dead? But… It can’t be…
She saw Nova and Cheska sitting beside the morgue; their expression was hard to define. Nicole slowly walks towards them. So it’s true.
“What happened?” Nicole asked but no one answered.
Nicole entered the morgue and saw a body covered with white cloth. Slowly, she touch the head of the body and she cried. Lance no.
“Lance!” Nicole cried out.
“Nicole!” Nova and Cheska suddenly burst from their seat. “What are you doing?”
“How can you leave me?” Nicole said. “We still have plans, you promised me that we’ll be happy, Lance how could you!”
“Nicole, stop it,” Cheska said while laughing. Nova laughed as well.
“Why are you laughing? Do you find Lance’s death so funny?” Nicole said.
“No,” Nova said. “We find you so funny.”
“Why?”
“Wait, give me a minute or two,” Cheska said.
“Why are you laughing?”
Nova pulled the cloth from the cadaver and revealed a dead body of a guy they don’t know. Oops… Nicole thought.
“What are you thinking? Lance’s still alive, he’s on a private room upstairs,” Cheska said.
“Huh? But Mark said he’s dead.” Nicole said.
“That’s what he thought, but Lance’s okay,”
They climbed upstairs towards the second floor. They went inside Lance’s room. Lance’s still sleeping. He has a bandage around his head. He’s still alive. Mark was sitting beside him. He looked at Nicole and said, “Sorry for the wrong information.”
“It’s okay,” Nicole said.
“Yeah, she just cried on a different body on the morgue!” Nova said and they laughed again.
Nicole sat beside Lance. She ran her fingers in his hair and kissed his forehead. Mark told her what happened and a guy named Joseph Mendiola.
“The doctor said he’s okay,” Mark said. “But a lot of blood was lost, and his head was badly injured, so let’s prepare ourselves for the worst.”
Lance suddenly groaned. Nicole looked at him, and suddenly he opened his eyes. The first person that Lance saw was Nicole.
“He’s awake,” she said. Lance just look at her.
“Yeah, let’s prepare ourselves for the worst,” Nova repeated.
“Are you okay?” Mark asked.
“I’m going to hit your car later, then let’s see if your going to feel okay,” Nova said.
“Who…” Lance whispered. His head ached a bit and that stopped him.
“What do you feel? Do you want to eat something?” Nicole asked.
“Who…” Lance said again.
“Quit saying ‘who’,” Cheska said.
“Who are you?” Lance said and the room fell silent.
Let’s prepare ourselves for the worst,” Cheska repeated.

Chapter 4 - Heart Over Matter 2


Ghost from the Past



Nicole was lying in her bed — her head is aching, her fever reached 39°c and now she has colds. “Sorry about last night,” she said over the phone.
“It’s okay,” Lance said. “My car would spend a day on the car wash. It’s you I’m worried about. How are you?”
“Not well,” Nicole answered. “I can’t taste my foods well because of the colds and I feel dizzy. I can’t go to school because of this flu.”
“I’m going to visit you later after class,” Lance said. “What do you like me to bring for you?”
“I like some fruits but don’t bother anymore to bring anything,”
Lance hanged up the phone. Nicole put down the telephone and covered her nose as she sneezes.


*     *     *


The bell rings loud again, everyone inside the classroom rejoiced! It’s the end of the class, and its Friday. The professor dismissed them and everyone walked towards the door. Lance stood up from his desk. He’s the first who went outside the classroom.
Lance half-ran towards his car, he’s worried and excited to see Nicole. He drove downtown with his usual speed with his first car — the car he used when he took Nicole to watch the meteor shower. He parked his car in front of a drugstore to buy medicine for Nicole. The pharmacist flirted with him but he didn’t pay her much attention.
After that, he walked slowly towards the flower shop owned by the decrepit old woman, Mrs. Viray, to buy some tulips for Nicole. He bought 24 pieces and Mrs. Viray arranged the flowers into a bouquet for him. He’s a regular costumer of her flower shop, so she always gives him a big discount.
While the lady arranges the bouquet, Lance looked for a flowering plant for Nicole’s foster mom. Her mom was fond of plants — flowering or medicinal — and she’ll appreciate it if he brings her one or two. He took a flowerpot with morning glory and put it on the counter. Behind him, the door opened and the wind chimes chimed. Lance turned and saw someone — a ghost from his past.
“Lance,” the man said. The man wears an elegant coat and he looked like a professor or businessman. Lance looked at him in the eye. He looked older that Lance now, unlike before.
“Charles,” Lance whispered. The shop was silent, but the tension between them was heavy, Mrs. Viray though was unaware and not minding the two.
“How are you?” Charles asked. “What are you doing nowadays?”
“I’m still studying, soon I’ll be a doctor,” Lance whispered. “I just returned from US, I took my records and continued my studies here.”
“You studied at US? Wow, that was nice,” Charles complemented. “You’re lucky in life.”
“Yeah,” Lance agreed. “Everyone says that. But I always say that it’s all just a coincidence.”
“So how did you…?”
“I had a patient once; I inherited a small fortune from him,”
“How’s Nicole?”
“She’s sick. She has flu. I’m going to visit her later, do you want to come with me?”
“No, I need to take my daughter out,”
“How old is Sandy?”
Charles was shocked. How did he know the name of my daughter? “How did you…?”
“You’re mom told me everything,” Lance smiled. “I’m still studying at a Med School in US two years ago, and she’s my patient.”
“How come we didn’t know about this?”
“I asked your mom not to tell anyone about that,”
“That’s why we haven’t seen her doctor, not even once. It’s always a nurse or another doctor who visits her.”
“Lance,” Mrs. Viray interrupted. “Your bouquet is done.”
Lance paid the bouquet and the plant to Mrs. Viray. Charles was looking at him, Lance didn’t change a bit. He’s still the same Lance, even the way he wear clothes, his hair, and everything.
“Good bye,” Lance said to Charles.
“So we’ll see you soon?” Charles asked. When he said “we’ll” Lance knew that he means his dad, cousins and everyone.
“I’m not looking forward to it,”


*     *     *


Lance sat beside Nicole who’s still lying in her bed. Her mom was so happy because of the plant he bought for her. He gave the bouquet to Nicole and put down a basket of fruits in Nicole’s desk with a bag of medicine.
“I saw Charles in the flower shop?” Lance said.
Nicole sneezed twice — it sounded like a sneezing cat — and said, “What did you say?”
“We greeted each other, I said nothing. I just answered his questions,”
“How is he doing?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t ask,”
“Come on, I know you knew better than that. You can judge by just looking the way he looks,”
“Okay, he looked stressed, a little — very little — bit older than his age. I think it’s because of their falling business. Let us not talk about it, let’s just talk about you. Do you still feel bad?”
“Not that much,” Nicole smiled. “Specially that you’re here sitting beside me.”
“Hoity-toity,” Lance said sarcastically. “Ha-ha.”
“Tsk! I’m dead serious!” Nicole said.
Lance bent his back so that his face will be nearer to Nicole’s. Both of them can smell the breath of each other, the moment stopped for them, birds sings in their hearts and finally, angels brought them to the sky as Lance kissed Nicole with their eyes close.

Chapter 3 - Heart Over Matter 2


The Ball and the Comet



“You’re such a beautiful girl,” Aimee said as she pulled Nicole’s hair up into a bun and put a little crown to finish her princess look to match her fairytale inspired gown.
“Lance’s very lucky to have a girlfriend like you. You’re stunningly beautiful,” Princess added.
“Thank you,” Nicole thanked them. “You’re too kind to say such a thing.”
“I just wonder what Lance will wear,” Cheska wondered.
“A prince, I guess,” Nova said. “I hope I can go with you at the dance, but I’m not a student at your school.”
“And you still have a baby to take care of,” Princess said.
“Are you going to meet him at the dance or is he picking you up here?” Aimee asked.
“He’ll be here any minute,” Nicole answered.
“For someone as beautiful as you, you deserve the perfect prince,” Princess said.
“I’m not looking for a prince actually,” Nicole said. “Ever since I was a child, I never dreamed to have a prince. In fact, I never looked upon Lance as my prince, he’s my ­—” Nicole stopped as Lance suddenly appeared on the door in his costume, “Knight in Shinning Armor,” Nicole finished.
Lance looked dashing in his chainmail armor. The armor wasn’t made of metal or tin, but it was made of metal colored rubber. It was lighter than tin or metal and Lance can walk easier that wearing a metal armor. The chains were made of real metal.
“So…” Lance muttered. “Are you ready?”
“Yes,” Nicole said as she smiles. She can’t take her eyes off from Lance. He looks like a movie star, no, he’s more like a prince going to a war.
“A canned human and a princess,” Nova teased. “Perfect match,”
“Just shut the hell up,” Lance said as they turn away.
“I just hope I could find someone like him,” Princess said.
“I hope I can be her,” Aimee said as Lance and Nicole walked out of the house.


*     *     *
Together, Lance and Nicole entered the gym. Everyone looked at them, every beautiful lady inside become a rug because of the beauty unleashed by Nicole and every man wanted to go home because Lance has drawn the attention of their dates.
They were the most beautiful couple inside the gym. If only a real princess could see Nicole right now, she’ll never wear her gown again. If only a general or a war hero could see Lance, he’ll never wear his armor ever.
Mikan and Megan Sebastian approached the couple. Mikan wears a witch costume while Megan wears a wizard costume.
“Hey!” Megan greeted. “You two look stunning,”
“Magnificent!” Mikan added.
“Beautiful,” Megan snapped.
“Gorgeous,” Mikan said,
“…Let’s settle for stunning,” Megan said when he can’t add another word to describe Lance and Nicole.
“Both of you looked good,” Nicole said.
“I agree,” Lance said.
The program started. Everyone listened intently, watched some clubs as they perform, people sing and many more. Politicians of course have spoken to the people inside the gym. The main event of the night was the comet that will arrive that night. The comet visits the Earth once every 100 years, but it’s always too far to be seen with naked eyes or even with the use of telescopes. This is the first time that the comet will show itself, and people can see it clearly without the use of a telescope.
“Are you okay?” Lance asked Nicole.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Nicole said. “I’m just a little bit under the weather, maybe because of the rain. Don’t worry about me.”
“How can I not worry about you?” Lance said. “It’s like forbidding me not to breathe. Do you want me to bring you home?”
“No,” Nicole said. “I’ll be okay.”
The DJ played a song and everyone stood up — including Lance and Nicole — and they dance in the dance floor. Nicole put her hands in Lance’s shoulders while Lance put his hands around Nicole’s waist. They swayed back and forth, the romantic music filling the air with love. Nicole put her head in Lance’s chest; she could hear his heartbeat and his breathing.
“I’m so tired,” Nicole said. “I want to go home.”
“I can take you home now,” Lance said.
“Okay,”
Lance assisted Nicole to his car. Nicole has fever now and a little bit dizzy. Lance drove towards Nicole’s house. Nicole closed her eyes, her head is starting to ache and nausea is starting to come. She can taste already the bile in her throat.
“Sorry,” Nicole whispered. She’s afraid that if she says something loud, the nausea will be triggered and she’ll vomit. “Because of me you’re not able to watch the comet.”
“It’s okay,” Lance said. “We can watch it together.”
The roof of the car lifted and opened. Nicole noticed that the car was new. She didn’t recognize it a while ago because it’s dark outside and the car was black — Lance’s cars are all black— and the interior was similar to his other car.
“Is this a new car?” Nicole asked.
“Yes, Mercedes-Benz CLK 500,” Lance answered her. He parked the car in the sidewalk and looked up. “It’s here.”
The comet — beautiful and stunning — darted slowly across the sky. The sky was covered with stars, that night was full moon and the sky was cleared from clouds.
“It’s beautiful,” Nicole said.
“Just like you,” Lance said. “That comet was just like you.” Nicole didn’t answer. She just smiled at him. “The comet passes by the planet once every 100 years. Someone like you can be found only once in a lifetime, just like the comet.
“Corny!” Nicole snapped and suddenly she vomited inside the car.