Early in the Morning

The sun is rising slowly from the east; the neighbours are cooking breakfast, feeding their chickens, goats and pigs, an old man looking after his granddaughter while I sip cold iced tea on a mug. I know I should be drinking hot coffee or hot chocolate instead, but I like iced tea more for breakfast.

It’s early in the morning, I need to go to school, yet here I am sitting on a couch, unprepared to go to school. I know that I will see her later this morning at school. But I don’t want to see her. The pain was still here in my chest, maybe it won’t leave me for a while. I shouldn’t be acting this way, she’s not my girl friend, and she’s just my friend. Why can’t I accept the truth? When will I stop acting this way?

It feels like I’m in the middle of the sea, I have no choice but to float or I’ll drown. But if I’m in that situation literally, I’m willing to drown... just so you can see how devastated I am. I’m, I’m not supposed to feel this way, I’ve seen the two of you before, but why does that moment became so vivid in my memory, that memory of you laughing and smiling with him... one thing that you can’t do with me... one thing that I never seen in your face before.

Maybe this is our destiny, not to be together. I didn’t see this coming, our future was so clear to me 9 months ago. We’re both going to the same university for our college, and maybe I’ll have a chance on you, and prove that I’m the man that’ll love you forever, the man that will take care of you until were old and gray. But this, I wasn’t able to foresee these things; I wasn’t able to see and realize what you really feel. Now I’m giving up destiny, there’s no such thing as destiny, now I should hold on to my own free will, make some decision that I might or might not regret.

Fear, sorrow, broken heart, and devastated; that’s how I feel right now. I want to see you, yet my heart’s not yet ready, I want to talk to you, but my lips were sealed, I want to hold you, but my arms are tied, I want to think about you, but my mind is close, I want to keep you here in my heart, but it’s too broken... I can’t put you to place that are not even working.